Those Pesky School Projects

Semira with her candy machine

Last week at school, Semira's class had its Simple Machine Fair. As part of the science curriculum, the kids learned about simple machines with the unit culminating in the building and showcasing of a simple machine. This is just one example of the steady stream of home projects my kids (and countless other kids) are required to do as part of school these days. In addition to building machines, we have made volcanoes and clothes hanger mobiles, and engaged in extensive drawing and writing activities for numerous book reports. I guess, in theory, these projects are great. They present an opportunity for parents and kids to work together to accomplish a goal. And they are more creative than traditional school work. I am sure they are assigned with the best of intentions, to help kids further their learning.

I have a confession to make. I hate these projects. I wish they would just go away. I think assigning "projects" and "reports" to elementary school-aged children to be done at home is insane. I am not talking about a sheet or two of homework. I am talking about projects that come with a page of detailed instructions that require me to make multiple visits to grocery, hardware, and craft stores to acquire the necessary supplies. Or projects that make my kids write multiple drafts of reports or do intricate drawings. Or projects where I must read a lengthy chapter book just to help.

Here is a news alert. These are not kid projects nor are they kid-parent projects. They are parent projects, plain and simple. When it comes to the building projects, my kids usually do a little something to assist. But mostly, they watch us do the project. I am sure some parents will beg to differ, telling me that their kids do most of the work. Well, my observations at school tell me otherwise. The quality and detail of the work in these projects on display is clearly that of adults, not seven or eight year olds, no matter how brilliant the kids. As for the book reports, the little kid ones are the worst, requiring me to help draw complex scenery and assemble cut parts into something. At the Prager household, there are no kumbaya moments when we work on these projects. Instead, I am fighting my own lack of enthusiasm and cajoling kids to hunker down and get it done. And sometimes there is yelling (and a bit of cursing on my part). Yes, it's a great parent-kid bonding experience.

I probably sound uncaring, even unsupportive of my children and their learning. Nothing could be further from the truth! Besides the fact I don't personally enjoy these crafty-type projects, I question their value-added. I also take issue with the unintended consequences created by the plethora of well-intentioned school activities.

The expectations of parents to be involved in their kids' schooling is ridiculous. Elementary kids routinely have homework. Now let's add to that periodic projects and book reports. Then for good measure, let's throw in the dress-up as _____ day,  field trips to _______, enter the _____ contest or show, showcase your _____work at _________, bring snacks for the class for _________, bring food for the ______ celebration, practice ________ for ______ minutes, etc. etc, etc. I am sure I could make a much longer list.

The point is that alone, all of these little activities sound innocuous, but together they create chaos. There are only so many hours in a day. Our weekdays need to run like a well-oiled machine just to get everything done that needs to be done for three kids between the hours of 4 and 8 p.m. It is downright stressful. I don't have time for projects. And I certainly don't feel like spending my precious weekends doing them either.

Yes, school is important. But school is only one component of raising successful children. Outside of school, my kids are learning other important life lessons and values. But my time with them is more limited, in part, because of encroaching school work. Teachers, please realize that not all children are watching TV and playing video games all night and weekend long. Don't feel obligated to provide my family with more educational activities to take up our "free" time.  I'd trade a school project any day to:

• Provide my kids with unstructured, free time where they can play what they want
• Have my kids experience and appreciate boredom 
• Allow my kids to interact, fight, argue, and play with each other
• Encourage my kids to engage in physical activity
• Feed my kids real food made from scratch
• Put my kids to bed early so they get adequate sleep
• Have time to lay in bed with them and read a book or talk about their day

I am not beating up on my kids' individual school or teachers. It's the system, really. We have come to believe that more is always better. It's not. We think that starting kids on complex, organized activities at an early age makes them smarter and more disciplined. It doesn't. My kids will do just fine on standardized tests without the extra work. My kids can learn about work ethic in other ways. Parents are also over-involved in school. We are training and conditioning parents to be helicopter parents. We are creating a generation of kids who can't do anything themselves or be left alone for a second. As a parent, I see all this, yet I find myself getting sucked into this modern day trap without even knowing it. Perhaps someday, I will have the courage to say NO and stick to it. For my family. For my sanity. For my kids.

Kibrom checking out the simple machines in 2nd grade

Shouldn't Steve get the award too?

What's Up With Me and Cars?

The kids cleaning out our car after receiving the bad news
that it would not be fixed

So the Prager's have been seriously cursed with car issues recently. How is that so many bad things have happened in the last month? First in mid January, I got into an accident with a Chevy Tahoe on my way to school with all three kids in tow. My poor 2008 Ford Taurus X AWD wagon was totaled. Yup, totaled on a neighborhood street going about 20 - 25 mph. My friends who live in Laramie will attest that the roads are crap all winter long. The city plows a couple of main streets and doesn't bother with the rest! The back streets are a perpetual sheet of ice for months and the conditions didn't work in my favor the day of my accident. At least nobody was hurt.
 

The back of my car

As luck would have it, I just bought my car in August and had only been driving it a few months. It was a total find and a great deal. The car is no longer made, so finding a replacement car just like it didn't work out. So after two weeks of stress, I broke down and bought a new Honda Pilot. I have to say it is a pretty nice car. Of course, I never planned on buying a new car and financially, now was not a good time given the fact that we made two very expensive trips to Ethiopia in November and December.

My new car

Just when I thought the car drama was over, the weekend before last, our Nissan Xterra slid down the driveway while in park (yup, it was on ice/snow). Steve had just returned from a movie with Kibrom. Long story short, the front driver's side door was open and in the mayhem of Steve trying not to have his foot run over or Kibrom run over, the door met the giant bush next the driveway. The encounter left the door in very bad shape - bent the entire door. The metal is all peeled back and the door barely closes. When it does, it makes this G-d awful sound. In fact, you kind of have to lift the door up to actually close it all the way. So the Xterra will need body work. With our recent insurance claim and $1,000 deductible, we will be paying for it ourselves. I am guessing this will cost a grand to fix. And it just has to be fixed. Steve hasn't taken it in for an estimate, but it is on our list of things to do.
  

Poor "Big White" - our Xterra.

This brings me to last week. On Thursday, I picked up the kids and drove home like any other day. Pulled into the garage like normal. Started unloading the car. The kids had a lot of crap so I had to make two trips into the house. The back door of the car was open. Somehow in a matter of minutes of me going into the house with the first load, Kibrom decided to close the garage door....yes, on my brand new car! The back door of the car did not block the garage door sensors so the garage door did close. Only the garage door took the car door down with it, jamming the back door of the car onto a piece of metal on the back of the garage door. I came unglued! I was a crazy lady. I thought the automatic lift was broken when I saw the car door wedged part-way open.

Turns out the lift is fine, but the back door is all scratched up below the license plate and on the bottom edge of the door. I swear, I can't keep anything nice. Not even for a month! To say the car thing has been frustrating is an understatement. After the last incident, I hit my mental limit. All I could do was flop on my bed and cry. So I did.

It's been a few days now and I am almost over it. I still hate seeing those scratches. But my new car will be well worn soon. I transport three kids around all day. Say no more. We will drive the Xterra for a while with its door problem until we can scratch together the funds to fix it. As for Kibrom, I don't think he will ever touch the garage door again. I think my crazy mental state that night made a lasting impression on him.

In the meantime, I hope we took care of all things bad for 2013. It's gotta be good from here! Speaking of good...at least my often-times crazy children were their somewhat charming selves this weekend. Amen to that!

Semira and Kibrom doing a puppet show at the library this weekend.

Semira and Kibrom eating shiro and injera yesterday. 

Surviving Kindergarten

Kibrom (center, first row) and his classmates discussing seat belt safety with Officer Friendly.

I am happy to report that Kibrom has almost completed his first month in kindergarten. The first two weeks were a tad challenging, in part because I was with him all day at school and quite honestly, I wasn't sure kindergarten was the right place for him. Really, I had no idea how the transition to kindergarten mid-year would go. I tried to keep my expectations low for it is always better to be pleasantly surprised than highly disappointed. Well a month later, after some painful days for both of us, I am grateful that things are going better than expected.

Attending kindergarten as an adult is a downright painful experience! After the first few days, I had strong urges to rip my hair out and start poking my eyes with pointy objects. I didn't want to sit criss cross applesauce, put my hands in my pocket, walk in a straight line, catch a bubble in my mouth, or eat that snack the teacher put on my desk! I have to say teachers have the patience of saints. They deserve more gold stars than they get. I just don't know how they do what they do all day long. Enough about me and my whining; let's talk about Kibrom.

Kibrom has taken to the routines rather quickly. It's a good thing because the school my kids attend has a lot of them! The predictability is actually good for him. In just a few short weeks, he has figured out the ebb and flow to the day. He knows how to take out his red folder, how to walk properly in line, how to ask permission to use the bathroom, and where to put his backpack, lunch, water bottle, etc. He also loves wearing his uniform and has become obsessed with looking sharp. He's always saying, "Mommy, tuck!" when his shirt is hanging out.

His English is also coming along. He says a few words like "please," "thank you," "you're welcome," "excuse you/me," "no," "yes," and "go." He also understands way more than he can say. Of course, at school, he relies on watching the other kids to figure things out. He is a pretty smart boy so he has developed his own way of copying and mimicking his classmates and teachers. He is a good listener and wants to please. He also loves his one-on-one ELL (English language learning) instruction, which thankfully he gets three days a week.

The difficult part of kindergarten is that his academic skills are really that of a preschooler. Unlike most kindergarteners in the U.S., he hasn't spent the last two years learning school skills. He knows some English letters, but not all of them. He can count, but he doesn't yet recognize and write numbers. He can write, but not very well. So the first two weeks at school included discoveries such as learning to use a pair of scissors and figuring out that his glue stick was not a chapstick!

You can imagine that between the language barrier and the lack of certain skills, he is lost during parts of the day. This is a particular problem in the mornings when most of the "academic" work takes place. So what does a bored, active little boy do? Fidget at his desk, sigh a lot, and put his head down in a dramatic fashion. (He has a flare for the dramatic!)

So, we tried an experiment that we hoped would work. After the first week in kindergarten, I called Semira's old preschool to see if they would take Kibrom. We wondered if this would be a better option for him for the remainder of the academic year. It would certainly take the pressure off everyone. Kibrom could play more and sit less.  His kindergarten teachers wouldn't have to work so hard. I wouldn't worry so much.

This is actually kind of a funny story looking back on it. Steve explained to Kibrom that mommy and he would try a new school the next day. He seemed ok with the idea. Unfortunately, it didn't go so well. I thought that as soon as Kibrom saw all the toys and fun things, he would like it. I was convinced that when the kids came in from outside to take off their boots and put on their slippers, he would be game. Instead of joining the other kids, he put on his coat and shoes and stood in the back of the room. As I moved closer to him, he moved further away from me. Then he started to cry and kept crying for the entire hour and a half we were there. He was mad; no, he was pissed off. He told me in Amharic over and over that he wanted to go home. I said no. Finally, I asked if he wanted to go back to his other school. He said yes. He wiped away his tears, zipped his coat, and headed for the door lickety-split.

Kibrom reported to Steve that night that "the new school was not good," but wouldn't tell him why. Later that weekend, the truth came out. He proclaimed it to be a "baby" school. Socially, he acts older than five and views himself as a BIG BOY. That much we knew. Now he was telling us in no uncertain terms, he wants to go the the big kid school with Lily and Semira. So the next day at school, I decided to leave at lunch time. He didn't want me to go, so I told him he was a big boy in front of the other kids. The day after that, I just left. The truth is, he acts better when I am not there. With me, he pretends to be helpless. With others, he acts mature. Go figure!

I had a great meeting with his two kindergarten teachers, the principal, and his ELL teacher a few weeks ago. We have a plan for Kibrom for the rest of the year. We established a set of academic goals for him to work toward. We came up with alternative activities for the morning lessons that were over his head. We discussed his ELL lesson plans. We also discussed how independent he is and how he acts totally different when I am not there.

My kids go to a great charter school. I am so thankful for the full support of his teachers and the principal. They are going above and beyond to make this work for all of us. They assured me that everything would be just fine and it is! Even though the preschool option didn't work out, the experience turned out to be highly beneficial. Kibrom is now very aware that there is an alternative option for school and that he doesn't like that option one bit! Believe it when I say that this brings a huge sense of relief for me!

What It's Like at Home

Kibrom and Semira hanging out last weekend

Inquiring people want to know what it's like to have Kibrom home. Well, three weeks is not enough to tell you much. Just that the initial transition is hard. Unfortunately, it probably won't get much easier for a while (based on our experiences with Semira). Kibrom's world has been turned upside down. Everything is new...the language, the food, the smells, the people, the weather, the dogs, the routines, etc. It's as if aliens abducted him and took him to their planet! It has to be overwhelming to anyone, never mind a scared, little five year old boy.

So, let's start with the challenges:

• The most difficult thing to deal with is his sadness. Kibrom can be a very happy little boy. But then a switch flips. He gets this vacant look on his face then starts crying for at least an hour to two hours at a time. It's difficult to watch. It's more difficult to sit there trying to comfort him. And, in truth, it takes the patience of a saint not to lose it yourself. The meltdowns can be triggered by anything, but they usually correspond to when he is tired or overwhelmed. So evenings and late afternoons are tougher to deal with. We are all tired at that point.

• We have also discovered how difficult it is to figure out if Kibrom is really sad or just not getting what he wants. There is a fine line between providing him comfort and allowing him to run amuck. Sometimes I don't know which side of the fence we should be sitting. His emotional fragility makes it difficult to predict how many normal parent/child interactions will unfold. But we have figured out that he is a bit of a whiner and is used to either people doing things for him or not having to do anything at all. Perhaps that is how it went at his care center. I don't know. But at Chez Prager, the kids need to actually do a little work. Like I tell Lily and Semira all the time, Mom is not your maid. I just don't know how to say that in Amharic:)

• Ok, so now onto my confession. Going from two kids to three has meant a lot more work. I won't use any of those stupid sports analogies because I don't give a crap about sports. Let's just call it like it is. The dishwasher and washing machine seem to run daily. The food consumed is astonishing! Both Steve and I feel like we are always in the kitchen. There are many more combinations of kid interactions to mediate on a daily basis. Instead of two little birdies chirping "mama" or "papa" at any one time, we now have three in unison all wanting or needing something at that very moment. Unfortunately for me, our house is not big enough to escape any of this. Alone time no longer exists, if it ever did before.

Mail order injera is a life savor. This stash lasted only about 10 days.

Now onto the good things because you should always end on a positive note.

• Kibrom is a very loving boy. He likes to play with his sisters and they like him. Overall, he is pretty well-behaved and is a good listener. He is curious and smart. He is open to receiving affection from Steve and me. Overall, I think he is starting to bond with us. I definitely see potential in the long run for him to be a happy, well adjusted little boy.

• Things are pretty positive regarding communications. Kibrom has already learned some English. He is now asking Steve in Amharic to tell him the English word for something. My Amharic is limited to a handful of key words and phrases while Steve can explain things in more detail. I think this makes Kibrom feel a little more secure about going into new situations. He at least knows what to expect. And he doesn't feel as lonely not speaking English. He is quite chatty with Steve when he needs a real conversation fix. I am sure that Steve's Amharic skills have saved us from having more meltdowns than we have had.

• Kibrom loves the dogs! This was actually a big surprise. Semira was terrified of them for over a month and that got old fast. It's cold in Wyoming so keeping the dogs separate from the kids is no easy task this time of year.  For that, I am thankful. This could have been another seriously stressful issue to navigate.

Well, so far our transition seems "normal"...

-A lot of work
-Pretty darn tiring 
-A constant ride on the emotional roller coaster

While there are a lot of "firsts" to be thankful for, I can't wait until we are done living in survival mode.

Next up, school time. Kibrom (and I) started kindergarten this week. Now that is another story!

Kibrom and Semira being silly

Kibrom after his first day at school - Eating popcorn and watching "film" as he says.

The little chef

To Ethiopia and Back Again

Our first moments together (this time forever)

One year from the exact date our family first met Kibrom in Ethiopia, I landed on U.S. soil with him in my arms! It's hard to believe, but I am already back from my whirlwind trip to get him. It was a total surprise that we cleared the U.S. Embassy as fast as we did. Usually the process takes two to three months, but it took only two weeks for us. I found out our agency wrote a letter to the embassy staff asking that a handful of cases be expedited and ours was one of them. I just never expected that we would get clearance before January.

So this bit of good news put the Prager family in kind of a bind. The flights this time of the year are nearly sold out and extremely expensive because of upcoming holiday travel. After talking to the travel agent for the better part of a day, it became apparent that our choices were for one of us to go to Ethiopia right away or to wait until the week of January 9 to travel as a family. Tough choice! We had always planned to go altogether to welcome Kibrom into the family and the girls were both really excited. But reality set in. If we picked up Kibrom right now, he would be home with us adjusting and bonding over a nice, long winter break before starting school. Plus after leaving him in Ethiopia for a year now, it just didn't seem right for him to wait another month for us. So with bittersweet emotions, I boarded a plane last weekend to get him.

After spending last Monday with him at the care center, I was able to take him to the guest house I was staying with two other families from our agency. Then on Tuesday, after the good-bye party at the care center, we were taken to the embassy for our visa interview. Kibrom's final immigration paperwork and passport were then delivered to me on Thursday afternoon. Finally, everything was in place to bring him home on Friday night.

Let's just say I am a survivor! The week was eventful in many ways. Busy some days, bored the others. And there were a lot of ups and downs emotionally speaking. I managed to hold it together with just a few sad moments of my own along the way. Through it all, I remained pretty calm, all things considered. I am going to pat myself on the back for how I handled these circumstances:

• A shell-shocked little boy whose world had just been rocked.

•  A highly stimulated, emotional boy who had to say good-bye to his friends and nannies who he has been with for most of the last 18 months. 

• A happy, excited boy who is very curious and already knows how to test me.

• A very, very sad boy who was inconsolable on three different occasions for two hours straight each time (that was fun).

• A boy who has a bad cold and congestion (and who gave it to me before the plane trip home).

• A boy who got too excited swimming at the Hilton in Addis and threw up water and chunks in the pool. (There will be no swimming anytime soon).

• 30 hours of travel with my boy including a 17 hour flight from Addis to D.C. - all with a huge motion sickness induced barf fest 20 minutes after take off (another great moment).

• Not being able to share any of these memories with Steve, Lily, and Semira.

I know from experience though that the real work begins now that Kibrom is finally at home. There will be plenty of firsts and a lot of ups and downs as we adjust to life as a family of five.

Sweet boy

The other families who were also reunited with their kiddos this week

Kibrom showing me his bed

Leaving the care center on Monday with Kibrom

The going-away party at the care center - A very sad moment for Kibrom

Happy day - Eating lunch out at the Top View Restaurant

Happy boy!

Sleepy boy back at our guest house

At Bole Airport in Addis waiting on our flight home

Thank you Ethiopia for my son!

Adoption Emotions Galore - Part 2

Steve with Kibrom. Our son will remain a photo mystery until we pick him up.

This is Part 2 of our story. Part 1 is here.

Our family spent three weeks looking at a set of new pictures and envisioning our lives with a new son and brother. Just as we were getting used to the idea, something totally unexpected happened. I got a call one day in September from our agency telling me they just received word from Ethiopia that the regional authorities signed the papers on Kibrom! You can imagine my surprise. I couldn't speak. I was in total shock. Now we had to make another difficult decision to make since we had two boys officially referred to us.

I suggested to Steve that we take both boys. He immediately called me insane - which is probably true. In the end, I was swayed back to reality. Three kiddos was our limit. So two days later, I called our agency to tell them we wanted Kibrom. After I made the official call, I pulled up the pictures from our December trip to Ethiopia to look at him. I hadn't done this in months because I didn't want to see pictures of our boy who might never come home. Then it hit me. I cried like a baby. All the months of emotion bottled up inside just came out.

The courts were closed for the rainy season from mid August until October 8. In late September, we learned from our agency that we would have to wait until the courts reopened so that they could submit a written appeal to the judge to reopen our case. To my surprise within two days of filing the appeal, we were notified of a November 2 court date. I was incredibly excited, yet nervous at the same time. I still didn't think it was real. The emotional purgatory of the last year had taken its toll.

In the midst of the craziness of preparing for the trip, I found out a mere two days before we left for Ethiopia that we would need to update several important documents in our dossier as they had "expired" after two years. Not having them meant not passing court. Since I couldn't stand the idea of anymore delays to our case, I ran around like a crazy person to get the new documents before we left. I am so thankful we live in a small town where it is possible to get new medical and police letters plus a bunch of notaries in less than 24 hours.

With our new documents in hand, we arrived in Addis Ababa on October 31. Our agency immediately took them for translation and told us they would try to get our final letter of comment from the federal Ministry of Women's, Children's and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) - the absolute last piece of paper needed to receive our final court decree.

On November 1, we finally saw Kibrom again. Aside from looking a bit more mature, he was the same little boy we met nearly a year ago. We wondered if he remembered us and the girls so we brought him pictures of the five of us together last year. I think he remembered. The next day we returned to say good-bye and to tell him that we will be back in a few months to take him home. I think he understood.

Prior to meeting with the judge, our agency's attorney told us that he still didn't have the MOWCYA letter needed to pass, but was 99% confident he would get it in the next few days. The judge issued a new court date of November 6 in hopes that she would receive the letter by then. We were free to leave Ethiopia and would be notified by our agency when we officially passed.

We found out exactly one week ago that we passed court. Kibrom is legally our son! It was an incredibly long and difficult 326 day journey to get to this point. Now I am asked when he will come home. The short answer is soon. It usually takes another 2 to 3 months to go through the necessary U.S. immigration procedures. As soon we receive word that the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa is ready to schedule our visa interview, all four Pragers will be on a plane to get him! As I said in my Part 1 blog post, our story will have a happy ending. For that, I am eternally grateful!

Adoption Emotions Galore - Part 1

Kibrom's new care center in Addis Ababa

 
I began writing this post the last day of August then amended it in the middle of September and then in early October as our adoption journey took yet another strange turn. But I had no intentions of posting this until much, much later. It was not something I wanted to talk about at the time. Things were complicated and I wasn't over the hurt yet. But I thought it was important to write down my thoughts while they were still fresh. And many friends had been asking us for months if there was any news with our adoption. Now that we officially passed court in Ethiopia and I am confident our story will have a happy ending, I feel more free to share the details. So for all who are interested in the reading about our epic adoption adventure, here goes.

Over a year ago, we were referred a beautiful, four-year old boy from Ethiopia. His name is Kibrom and he was to be our son. Our family traveled to Ethiopia in December 2011 to meet him and to appear in court to become his legal parents. Unfortunately, while we were there, our court date was canceled because we were missing some newly required paperwork, a letter from the regional authorities stating that Kibrom was eligible for international adoption. We met Kibrom and he met us. At the time, we thought this was a hiccup along the way, albeit an annoying hiccup because it meant we would be delayed in bringing Kibrom home. Plus Steve and I would have to make an additional trip to Ethiopia. At the time, we thought we would be home by last spring at the latest.

We were told to be patient while the regional authorities worked out their new paperwork process. So we waited patiently. And then we waited and waited some more. After four months, we were still optimistic that it was just a matter of time before we received this very important piece of paper. But by the middle of summer, the situation changed. I won't go into all of the details because there are too many to recount and I would end up writing a book instead of a blog post. Let's just say I spent many hours and days communicating with our agency, other parents stuck in our same situation, and a third party investigator via telephone, email, and a private Facebook group trying to figure out what to do next. The emotional highs and lows during this time resulted in many nights of restless sleep to downright insomnia. I can't even begin to convey my personal pain and angst.

Beginning in late July, the tone of the conversations with our agency began to change. There was a good chance that Kibrom would never come home with us. The fact of the matter was the regional authorities didn't really want to write the letter. We were presented with a host of increasingly difficult options from which to choose from, none of which seemed fair or the right thing to do. We were truly stuck in a complex ethical, moral, and financial conundrum. We knew there were many risks to adopting internationally. We willingly signed on for them as we had done so once before. But to know something bad could happen and to have something bad actually happen are two entirely different things. And now something bad was happening to us.

Steve and I talked about our options. These were very difficult conversations. I found myself begging for a clear sign of what to do next. I just needed clarity as to which fork in the road to take. Then it happened. Unexpectedly, in the middle of our turmoil in late August when things looked bleak for us and Kibrom, our agency told us about another little boy who needed a family. He was from a different region of Ethiopia and his paperwork was already complete. We could continue our fight for Kibrom or accept a new referral. As you can imagine, this was a very difficult decision to make. We didn't want to give up on bringing Kibrom home. But we also didn't want to engage in a fight that could become extremely adversarial, confrontational, and expensive with no guarantee of the positive outcome we wanted. After a few days of thinking about our options, we decided to withdraw from our adoption of Kibrom and accept the new referral.

We sat down one night in early September with our girls to tell them this very sad news. They were absolutely crushed. They met Kibrom and had spent the last eight months waiting and waiting for their brother to come home. How can I ever explain something so complicated to my kids? They wanted to know why people made such stupid rules and what would happen to Kibrom if he wasn't going to be part of our family. We tried to explain, but it wasn't easy. Even we did not have the answers to these questions.

When I first wrote this, I was still trying to come to terms with our decision. Any decision we would have made just felt plain wrong. I describe it an awful "ick" that makes you sick to your stomach. I got weepy every time I would talk about our decision to close friends, but I was coming to terms with our new reality. Even though we made the ultimate decision to end our pursuit of Kibrom, rationally, I knew others had contributed to it. The country of Ethiopia had different plans for this child. I may not have agreed with them, but he was not my child legally and who was I to argue.

Up next, Part 2 of the story.

Back From Cruising

Our cruise ship in St. Thomas

A few days ago, we returned from 11 days in Puerto Rico. Well, Steve spent 11 days there. I was there for a few days on each end of our travels, but spent the majority of that time on a cruise with Lily, Semira, and my mother. As I mentioned in a previous post, this really was a spontaneous, last minute idea. I haven't been on a cruise in a long time; last one was in 2003, I believe. It was just something different and I figured the kids would probably love it (hint - they did). They had a blast, enjoying a week in a "paradise" that resembles a Las Vegas for kids. The week was not really relaxing (for me), but was instead filled with non-stop action. I know sympathy will be in short supply here, but I am back feeling like I need a vacation to recover from my vacation! Steve, on the other hand, is pretty mellow. He spent the week taking Spanish, doing CrossFit on the beach, learning to kite-board, working, and exploring the city of San Juan via foot and public transit.

People have been asking me why Steve didn't go with us. Well, that is never going to happen. In all likelihood, a cruise is his version of hell. I confirmed this sentiment in my head many times last week. The atmosphere is just too crowded (people at every turn), glutinous (people eating at every turn), cheesy (variety shows, casino, bingo, shopping, etc., at every turn), and boring (sitting at a beach or by the pool). He would crawl the ship walls and probably beg to be abandoned at sea (or at least one of the islands). Of course the kids missed him and now want him to go on another cruise with them sometime in the future. They came back reporting all the cool things he could do including being in the poolside "hairy chest" contest. Now that would be fun, and given his hirsute chest, maybe he could even be a contender!

Steve (left!) working out with Mike of CrossFit Fuerte in PR

On the other hand, I can acclimate to a little laziness and cheese now and again. The trick is to just roll with it. Our itinerary was packed with five of the seven days spent in port (St. Thomas, Barbados, St. Lucia, St. Kitts, and St. Martin).  While there weren't too many hours of just sitting around, I did manage to relax by the pool and beach for a few hours each day, sometimes enjoying a glass of wine or two. Plus my mom and I managed to have a few dinners alone as Lily and Semira preferred to spend the evening at the free "Camp Carnival" for kids. At this stage in my life and given my kids' ages, the cruise really is a good fit for a vacation every now and again. Plus it's actually a pretty good vacation value. Who knows, maybe we will go again, assuming I can convince some family or friends to go with me :-).

Steve getting ready to ditch us in Puerto Rico

The girls and me with my mom

Every evening excitement of chocolate and towel animals in our cabin

Enjoying the sail away festivities in San Juan

St Thomas

Coki Beach, St. Thomas

Sunset on they way to Barbados

"Elegant Night" in the dining room

Lily and Semira on the catamaran in Barbados

Snorkeling with sea turtles in Barbados

The Pitons in St. Lucia

Enjoying the mud baths in St. Lucia

St Lucia

The birthplace of Alexander Hamilton in Nevis (Who knew?)

The ferry from St. Kitts to Nevis

Old sugar mill on Nevis

St. Kitts (the Atlantic Ocean on the left, the Caribbean Sea on the right)

St. Kitts

St. Martin (the Dutch side of the island)

Orient Beach, St. Martin (the French side of the island)

Orient Beach

The girls with their new friends